Virgo

Inspiration strikes and you feel a new sense of purpose underlying your career or family life. It’s a big deal, but you may not realize the full extent of it for another few months or years.

- Totally.

I have not forsaken thee!

There is usually at least one time during the day when I wish I  was right in front of my laptop, typing away at my blog.  This is not one of those times, but I am forcing myself because I don’t want to see the gap between the current date and the date of my last blog posted to continue increasing. :-[ 

I’ve maintained a stasis in academia with perfect attendance and top marks.  This is all I am living for right now.  I need to turn around my old, poor habits so desperately that I will let any other area in my life suffer to attain it. 

I can’t recall a time when I had experienced such a long and steady period of stability and contentedness since I underwent puberty.  It will be four months soon.  All this without the use of some awkward psychiatrist’s poorly-prescribed medications.  I don’t need Lexapro to be happy and I don’t need Abilify to keep me stable.  I want to feel everything the world has to offer.  Good and bad.  I’ve had my fill of the bad and now am taking advantage of the good.  I feel happy.  I feel happy.  I have a constant excitement in the pit of my stomach.  It’s milder than the excitement I felt as a child trying to go to sleep the night before visiting Disney World, but its grasp is just as all-encompassing.  My happiness is not glazed over by some synthetic haze where my mind is constantly wandering between the realms of reality and fictionality. 

I haven’t wept thanks to depression’s intoxicating grasp in such a while that the last moment is fading to some generic, probably displaced memory.  The only times my eyes have welled and teared as of late is because I have witnessed beautiful moments during human interactions.  I tear quite easily.  It’s something I’ve always been ashamed of.  If a friend betrayed me, or if I was monumentally misunderstood,  or if I was sincerely sorry, et cetera, I would tear!  To me it seems like I tear over any god damned thing, but something really has to touch me for this to occur.  This has happened several times at work or school and I get so embarrassed because I don’t want others thinking I’m some sentimental schmuck.  Should I see a doctor about this? heh.

 Whoa, I’ve derailed.

So, I see a difference between just doing well and doing well in predetermined goals.  Earlier this year I was hired to work for a retail giant and although I quickly excelled at my job, I was still unhappy.  Shortly afterward, I set goals regarding relocation and school.  I accomplished the relocation bit and am working on my academic 180, but see a major difference in how I feel about myself. 

I know that as long as I have not only long-term goals, but more immediate, short-term goals, and I am on the proper path to achieving them, I am okay. 

On a different note, I’ve been struggling with my academic major for a while and I think I’ve finally narrowed it down to Anthropology (My focus is yet to be decided–Cultural or Linguistic. Probably the former.)  For a long while I wanted to minor in Russian, but I don’t need to minor in it to learn the language.  I am now thinking of a minor in World Religions because if I want to better understand humanity, I can’t neglect religions.  Despite whatever my opinions of religious affiliates are, I can’t be remiss of the fact over 90% of the world population is somehow theistic. 

I wish I didn’t have to work retail on the weekends.  But I need disposable income, so I do.  I await the holidays because I will finally get some time off.  This Christmas I am elated to be driving up to Atlanta with a car-full of gifts for ALL my family members.  I can’t wait to spend time with my much missed family back inside their warm home.  I also hope to visit some old friends and get reacquainted with Georgia’s charm. 

Most of all, I think I just want to eat REAL FOOD for a week. 

 I <3 life.

lksjfkjvsfirsf

I get to see Explosions in the Sky tonight!

 Who’s jealous?

Ron Koertge

A Guide to Refreshing Sleep

It is best to remember those nights
when grown-ups were singing and breaking
glass and someone who smelled good
carried you up hushed stairs toward strange
cold bedrooms to be launched on a dark
lake of coats.

If Memory does not suffice, you may
summon the obvious mascots of sleep,
but forego counting. It is miserly. They
will come and stand by your bed, nodding
their graceful Egyptian heads, inviting you

across the crooked stile to one of those
hamlets nestled between blue hills
where the curious are curious about sleep,
the enthralled are enthralled with sleep,
and the great conclusion is always,
‘It’s time for bed.’

Look — a cottage door stands open. On the night
table is a single candle, yellow sheets are turned
back, and in the garden are marshaled
the best dreams in the world. Lie down.
The horrible opera of the day is over.
Close your eyes, so the world which loves you
can go to sleep, too.