When he told me ’sometimes love is not enough’ it shattered the foundations I’d built my perspective of reality upon. He broke me in that statement and suddenly the humanity of adulthood became all too clear. So too became clear my opposition to assimilation. I wanted to retaliate. But I am not capable of entering a new relationship within the week of extricating myself from the last. I’m not that jaded. But I suppose if more of what occurred recently happened regularly, I might be more willing to bend to such human behaviors. But as of yet, I am not on that sort of level. And I pray I won’t become so desensitized from life’s hard knocks that I change dramatically so.
In mourning I was reminded of a scene from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, when George Peppard tells Audrey that she belongs to him because he loves her. It made me think of how involving yourself in relationships is like buying stocks. And the longer you invest yourself, the more stocks you gain in that individual. I know you can’t own others, but if there is a lot invested, it seems it should take a while before you can invest in someone else. Am I wrong to think those who do are…well, not very nice things?
I always found relationship hoppers detestable. How do I change my perspective to maintain friendship? Do I want friendship with a person like that?
Although much of my innocence is gone now, I am steadfast in not losing my imagination, my ideals, and my resolve to see my goals through to achievement.
I’ve spent the day fasting and attempting to not sink into the depths of depression. It is such a bleak day out and it does nothing for my ominous mood. My primitive mindset wants me to believe that all the hurt I’ve experienced in the last 20 hours was partly expelled into the firmament and it is reacting accordingly. It is like a friend who is willing to bear your burden with you. I’m grateful for the lighter load. But it is creating an atmosphere of thick humidity that bogs one down. Firmament, if you hear me, please open your vaults and let the sun kill the toxic dampness. Let your bright, blue skies and refreshing breeze remind me life is beautiful.
