I thought about you

I thought about you
and the way your fingers grazed my lips
your fingertips
tasted of saline
and the sway of my hips
matched the slow rhythm
of Miles Davis’

I Thought About You
and the way your tongue
Accelerates
positively and negatively
in my mouth.
Your strength berates
my inhibitions
I’m in transition
for a new disposition
and

I thought about you
with your “I’m so cool
without even trying” hair

I’m lain bare
In despair
for pressure
More
pressure
please
I can’t take the lightness
of touch
It is not enough
I’m not asking for it rough
I
just need you
to break through
I
knead
you
hard, not light
Despite
The love that is here
Do not have fear
of Breaking me
I won’t break
I know what I can take
But
I am ready to
test the threshold

Sweet Suffocation

Flipping through various radio stations on my way home from work, I notice some vehicles driving erratically within my peripheral vision.  Several cars zoom by.  A green SUV swerves into my lane causing me to swerve to my left.  Cars in the emergency lane are piling up and the screeching of tires and honking horns create a cacophony during rush hour on the interstate.  I think to myself, “What the hell is going on?”  I find an opening in the emergency lane once I reach the bridge and veer right.  I get out of my car and begin to walk to the edge.  I can feel vibrations through the thin soles of my heels.  Choking on sulfur, I look down toward the concrete and see a small crack, but it’s moving.

It doesn’t occur to me I may never see another sunrise.  It doesn’t occur to me to call my family and friends.  It doesn’t occur to me to tell the man I want to spend the rest of my life with I love him one last time.  When the cables snap and the platform goes, the only thing that occurs to me

is to breathe.

the unusual

Tonight I have had a rather unusual reaction to a scent.

Several hours after opening a card I decided to sniff it.  The cologne it was sprayed with enveloped me in such a heady stupor I was nearly incapacitated.  With each inhalation I delved deeper into my past.  It made me think of many things.

I was reminded of my deep fascination with nautical antiques in my early years.  I was reminded of the intrigue and wonder I felt when touring aged vessels, along with the contemplation of the many men that had roamed the same halls I did, but with different purpose.  With an actual function, one generally to do with war or exploration.  I was reminded of my interest in submarines and 19th century diving gear.  I was reminded of sunken ships and the excitement of crossing uncharted territory.

I was reminded of a certain refinement encapsulated within the 19th century that seems unfortunately lost on the males of today.

Also, I was reminded of the men in my immediate family and memories detached from sadness as well as happiness.  I felt connected to a feeling of comfort and of balance that went unnoticed until I breathed in this scent.

I had trouble controlling my impulse to continue breathing it because with each inhalation I went further into my experience.  I found myself completely intoxicated, and soon came the pressing matter of my desire to be enveloped by the man whom this cologne belonged to.  I wanted to be cloaked by him and this scent. With each concentrated breath I found what I was smelling went deeper than my lungs, it traveled down through my stomach and found its way to my most feminine of parts.

And this is where it continues to linger.

happy birthday mr. darwin

I was really excited when my Research  Methods class was dismissed early because I was able to catch the commencement of the Charles Darwin birthday celebration!

Dr. Madrigal, my Biological Anthropology professor from last semester, started off with a short address of the importance of evolution theory in areas such as the court room because of the now prevailing desire to see DNA evidence (even when irrelevant–thanks CSI!), pathogens, bacteria, bipedalism, increased cranial size, the human need for assistance during child birth (small pelvic opening vs. big fat meathead babies).

There was another speaker after her whom I am not familiar with but he spoke of Darwin’s biographical history.  It’s not so interesting the 4th or 5th time around so I got in line for cake.

The only time the celebration felt awkward was when they started singing Happy Birthday.  What about all the other great thinkers that had a part in developing the theory of evolution? Why don’t they get birthday parties 150 years later? I think they’ve been gypped. Gyped? (I shouldn’t even be using such a term–do gypsies still exist or is that just in movies and album titles?)

So, I got about 2 or 3 hours of sleep last night.  The air conditioning in my apartment was sucking pretty hard and I was in serious heat the whole night (not even the good kind ).  At least something I can look forward to is my weekend starting after class today.

Until then I have 2 papers to write.