I may not be able to travel the world, but I can surely let the world travel my pants.

Mom: “Why do you only go out with gay men?”
Henny: “That’s not true; I go out with non-gays!”
Mom: “Name one person you go out with regularly that is not gay”
Henny: “Umm…what about *******?”
Mom: “Name a male”
Henny: “Err…”
This is where I’d love to say: “My habitual one night stands and inability to maintain platonic relationships with men unless they’re homos keeps me from simple nights out for fun times with ungays. I understand that what you’d really like is to see me engaged and prepping for a future of babymaking and domestic bliss, but, you see, I’m trying to amass a thousand lovers from all over the world before consciousness evaporates from my gummy headspace and my flesh rots off, and it’s just not plausible while doing that whole monogamous marriage thing. Sorries! Maybe later.” But I keep quiet instead so as not to catapult her into cardiac arrest.

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