on the road to enlightenment

Goodness, it’s been so long this box no longer even feels like home.  How could I have forsaken you!

I’ve been so focused in my studies I haven’t taken the time to reflect upon what I’ve learned.  I get so tired, mentally, I just want to waste my free time away on things that don’t involve much critical thinking.

I’ve been fairly isolated.  I ventured out with a couple old friends a few weeks back and partook in activities I had not done in at least a year.  It was very strange.  I did a lot of talking and thinking as I always did, but I felt uncomfortable.  I had trouble engaging my peers and I preferred writing my ideas out in general concepts. When I read what I’d written, it was pretty much a review of topics covered in my classes.

What I tapped into during this altered experience just reified how focused I am within academia.  Sometimes it seems like I’m one of those “all or nothing” people.  The more I know myself, the less it seems that I am a multitasker.  Yes, I can do different things within the same period of time, but when it comes to doing something absolutely excellently, I can only focus on one thing.  So far.  My next goal will be to learn to balance all important aspects of my life.  Right now I am just so desperate to complete my BA I can barely think of anything else.

I just had a vision of life being densely packed with many opaque layers.  I’m envisioning it as a sort of flower or fruit.  In this momentary vision, I saw a layer removed.  Age does this.  Experience does this.  In reflection it seems as though my person, my essence, my soul (however you wish to classify it) is born as some thick, densely packed object.  My goal is to reach the center.  That center, to me, is Enlightenment.  But there are so many layers to get through and they are all opaque.  I have no idea what’s in the center (Tootsie Roll pop jokes will be checked at the door, please) and I don’t know how long it will take to get there.  But I know there is an imperative for me to get there.  I don’t know if the imperative is natural/instinctual or learned and it doesn’t seem to matter.  I need to get there.

The path to get there is curious.  I think I am over the attempt to arrive there religiously.  As in through an established world/organized religion.  Right now I’d say I’ve got most of my eggs in the Academic basket, but part of me knows it’s not that simple.  I think  I will spend the rest of my life stumbling along, slowly uncovering layers until that final glorious day.   I  have this feeling that  I may only  uncover that final stratum on the day I die, because no human could continue living life as we know it once the truth has been unmasked.

I often wonder if all my contemplation is alienating me or bringing me closer to the human community.  When I am in social situations, which has become rare these days, I feel as though I am a spectator.  Have I already become the anthropologist, the ethnographer? Being an insider has become difficult.  I feel awkward as a participator at times.  I’m not there right now, mentally.

I feel like a balloon that’s lost its anchor to the earth and is slowly ascending toward infinity.  I wonder when I shall lose grasp of my corporeal vessel.  (I hope it’s not soon.)

Occasionally, I think humans are predictable disappointments.  But I want to focus on what I don’t know about us.  I’m really sick of the world the media glorifies.  And it’s no surprise I am so disappointed in humanity if what I see on popular tv/film/etc is a reflection of society or of its ideals.  I think that’s why I’m so drawn to Anthropology.  I have a desire to learn about cultures that aren’t my own and through the study of other cultures, I hope to understand my own better.  But it doesn’t just stop at culture.  I want to know why we are the way we are.  It’s a pretty lofty ideal.  Maybe I’ll never achieve it, but I think I’ll have some fun traveling on that road.

We need a voice

Could it be Saul Williams’?

To Whom It May Concern:

I’m used to sharing my opinion, but sometimes when it comes to politics, especially in regards to voting, I’m hesitant. This is primarily because my goal has always been to inspire people to think for themselves rather than simply inspire them to think like me. Yet, at the same time I realize the power of example and do my best to be my best whether the spotlight shines or not. I would not plant my faith in any government if I believed that history was entitled to govern the future. What has been was and went. At present, I am slave no more, and my freedom to speak my mind and share it with you is, in itself, an inspiration and a testimony of the beauty of our times. Yet in these times when the creative labor disputes in the film industry, the transformation and disbandment of the music industry, the collapse of our misappropriated economy (while oil profiteers celebrate the biggest year of profit in US corporate history), the ongoing war, the expansion of environmental consciousness, the resurgence of racial hate crimes, and the penalties exacted upon sportsmen who practice brutality off the field, all convene under the heading of NOW, it is essential to draw connections between each spinning record, to note times’ signature, and acknowledge that our world could transform in a drum beat. We are in desperate need of a remix. As a musician and fan of many I have always noted the power of music and art, especially amongst the youth. Before complacency and jadedness take shape, we are alive with dreams and insight into what could become of the world if the old would simply die young and allow new harmony to exist beyond antiquated conceptions of race, nationality, and tradition. We are subject to the world we are born into, without choice nor reverence. The dogma instilled by our social study books and well-meaning parents do little to affirm the truths that we know possible. The future is truly in our hands, yet most feel empty handed and ill-equipped to be the change they wish to see, while others have already been taught to clasp their empty hands in prayer, nod their heads, and surrender their power to the unknown, the angry, the jealous. I do not trust the government, I have no faith in politics. Poetry is president. We are the root of change. Yet, I have even less faith in cynicism. When negative expectations rule our perspective we shift below the radar and become the resin stuck to the tires of the passing tank, whose driver is tired and feels unthanked. He fights for nothing more than rank. We are the root of blame. Cynicism is ammunition pressed against the temple of the imagination daring it to not be. It is an excuse of the unimaginative, a tool of the tool, a weapon of the dreamless and sleep-deprived, it is far, so far, from music. What we need is a song, a melody to inspire the wind to change direction, a hybrid of genre and innovation, something worth the dance. The tar spangled banner that waves low, beneath the surface, is the dancefloor of a generation finding voice to sing. And though every generation has found ways to marry rhythm, none has sampled breakbeat science to distort how freedom rings. History is not King. And the present has offered some promising leaders…For the record, I’m voting for Barack Obama tomorrow. Saul Williams Songkeeper

I’m on Saul Williams’ myspace friend list and he posted that letter as a Bulletin. Anyone who knows me is aware I am often moved by Saul Williams’ works. His recent collaboration with Trent Reznor will hopefully broaden his fanbase. Although I know rhythm and beats are a major focus for Williams’, I hope that his listeners don’t lose themselves in the hard rhythms and heavy beats because his poetry is powerful. I’ve seen how easy it is for individuals to repeat catchy hooks completely unaware of the message it’s sending, whether it’s positive or negative. It’d be a tragedy to have listeners treat his lyrics just like any other beats and hooks they dance to/recite such as “Supersoak dat ho” or “I’m a Barbie girl in a Barbie World” glossing over the profound message it’s expressing with a vacuous look in their eyes.

I understand Williams’ letter is about politics, but that’s a subject I’d rather not touch. I registered as a voter last August when I got my driver’s license, but I never got my card in the mail and I haven’t done anything about it. I haven’t done my research and I am not about to vote for a candidate because of how popular he or she is. I also don’t trust myself currently because I am afraid I would vote for someone just because I want to see the first woman or black man sworn in as President. And as badly as I want to see some drastic change in history, having a woman or black man in office doesn’t guarantee real change.

The point of this entry is to put Saul Williams on further display. He is an eloquent writer and a moving speaker who uses his words and rhythms to his benefit. He has a voice that can move the masses. I just hope the message follows suit.

I am so envious of the generation that had Martin Luther King. I desire a great cause to fight for. I want a leader to back. Who will be our next MLK? My vote’s for Saul Williams–no one else has impressed me as much.

(That last link was to Saul Williams’ myspace artist profile.  I recommend Black History Month–particularly 2 minutes into the piece)

And by the way, happy Black History Month

Help! Grammarians, Philosophers, and general argumentative assholes!

Preface: I’ve already posted one, but in my Introduction to Religious Studies course we have to create one page arguments every week based on our chapter readings. Let me emphasize ONE PAGE, and I am having difficulty composing something sturdy within 250 words. I’ve always loathed persuasive essays and never thought I could excel in it. I actually hoped I could manage a handful of doctorates without ever having to compose one. HA. Jokes aside, any help would be appreciated–even if it’s just a link to a site that provides short, solid, ACADEMIC arguments. Actually, that might be preferred, because I don’t really wish to have my thoughts torn to pieces. I’m sensitive like that. I just reeeeally want an A in all my classes.

Also, my theses are inspired by the chapters and don’t necessarily reflect my actual beliefs. So, don’t go thinking I’m a nutcase if I ever say something silly at some point reminiscent to socialist and communist thinkers that have come before me (Though, I never claimed to be a Capitalist. Hmm…*scratches chin*).

CRQ 2: The Individual Versus Society

“Human beings are never just individuals; they always belong to something.”
Daniel L. Pals, Eight Theories of Religion

It is not difficult to agree with Emile Durkheim’s idea that every major enterprise of human life exists because of society when examples of humans belonging to families, villages, nations, political parties, or other groups are provided. The idea that one’s very own surname ties him to not only an immediate family, but an elaborate `tree’ of ancestors that generally grows more and more intricate with every passing generation expresses how no one person ever existed without those that came before him. Considering this, the idea of individuality becomes elective and egoistic—hardly vital to the function of the system which sustains the individual.

The pervasive Western ideal of individuality is corrosive not only to the progression of our society but to the progression of the self. A person
attempting to affiliate himself with the polar concepts of individuality and sociality simultaneously will be faced with some difficulty. One of the trends Durkheim noticed after the Industrial and French revolutions is in the area of personal affairs: “This new freedom of individuals released from their old frameworks presented great opportunity and great risk. With it came the chance of great prosperity and self-realization but also the threat of loneliness and personal isolation.”

Just like an entire life spent in isolation is deemed unhealthy by western standards, a life spent in aim to achieve goals that only aid the self is an unwholesome conquest. It takes at least two forces to create one life, and if that life does not wield those forces so that more than one benefits, then a portion of the provided energy is lost. That lost energy amasses with every life that follows suit and creates a massive waste. For a society or an individual to progress, it must build upon its foundation through technology, and that requires knowledge provided to it by more than what one person can accumulate on his own.