Eeeeeep

by jenkapotente

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That’s the best way to describe how I feel right now upon reading this news: Natalie Portman is bisexual.

I’m squealing with glee.  Now all I need is to have Natalie visit Tampa, run into me, and choreograph it so that her quim lands precisely over my mouth.  Then she will obviously realize what she’d been missing in life.

I’m sorry.  That was inappropriate.

 Now I just want to hear Eva Green and Christian Bale going the bi route, then I will know there is still hope for us.

My day was just made a little brighter.  I can now fantasize about a Nat Portman+Christian Bale love tryst without it being completely fantastical.

Note:  I couldn’t stand Natalie Portman until I watched her play “Sam” in the film Garden State.  Even then I liked her mostly because she reminded me of me.  I really became enamoured after seeing V for Vendetta and Closer.  And her working with Gary Oldman makes her worthy of my envy. 

In school:

My professor took an eternity on “Sveta’s” presentation so now I will have to wait to present mine tomorrow.  But after the Portman news, I think I might include her into the presentation.  When I get to the part where I described Christian Bale as moi moosh (my husband), I will then add Nat as my mistress! bwahahaha

Moi dedushka = Einstein
Maya babushka = Gertrude Stein
Moi Papochka = Ozzy Osbourne
Maya Matb = absent
Moi Dyadya = Stephen Colbert
Moi bratb = Brad Pitt
Maya cectra = Angelina Jolie (incestuous clan, I have)
Maya cobaka = Nina the shih tzu!
Maya machina = 1979 Chevrolet Chevelle
Moi moosh = Christian Bale (On Xorosh b posteli *chortle*)

(I’m hoping my professor chuckles at the last part about him being good in bed.)

 

Orientation of the Sexual Sort?

by jenkapotente

I’ve been meaning to write about this for quite a while, and quite frankly, this is probably not the best time.  I am quite tipsy from cheap urine, I mean piss in a bottle (Okay, piss in a can with high alcohol volume). 

Today I realized that the older I get the more hetero I become. 

That doesn’t mean I am less attracted to females.  When blatant dykes come into my store I always get super perky, but my interest in commencing a relationship with these females seems to dissipate as I grow older.  I am aware I am attracted to females, but have trouble moving forward from that stance. 

 Am I heterosexual?

I have trouble acclimating myself to that because I find myself attracted to both sexes. 

 So should I just label myself bisexual? 

Even that is troublesome.  I am not comfortable with labeling myself ‘bi’. 

Honestly, I just want to believe all humans are attracted to whomever the f*** they please.   

Since one of my brothers is gay and others I’ve known are gay, I’ve attempted to understand what it is like to be gay.  But I really don’t believe in polar opposites.  I think gays are intrigued by heteros and heteros are intrigued by homos (unless taught to believe otherwise by some blasted religion. etc.).  And by that I mean ‘hetero relations’ can occur betwixt previously thought homos or heteros if they so choose. 

I want to make it clear that sexual orientation perplexes me.  Am I trying to abide by some standard, as if there was one?  I should stop trying to relate others to my experiences. 

Perhaps I should accept Kinsey’s scale.

That’s not enough for me, though. 

I have yet begun to divulge the intricacies of homo/hetero/bisexuality. 

(I ❤ Trannies)

brb Nap