“American” Pride and a Shudder

by jenkapotente

I was pulling in to get gas tonight and saw an old, dark blue pickup truck driving into the same lane from the opposite side. I figured he’d just stop at the pump closest to him, letting me park at the pump closest to ME. But he kept driving forward. So I had to stop. In 5 seconds, I felt an eternity pass. I was shocked by his rudeness. I closed my agape maw and attempted to reverse. I looked over and saw him reverse back to the first pump. I pulled back in and got out of my car: “I appreciate that,” I said genuinely, but his response left me in shock: “I only did that because I thought you might be American. I have been dealing with people from other countries all day…”

My pulse was racing, my breaths shallow, I felt terribly close to being in an altercation merely because of the gene pool from which I sprang. But instead of being angry with him for being presumptuous and attempting to act on his prejudice, I was thankful. I was thankful he stopped to think about his decision and actions against me, an entity he deemed his opposition for whatever fragment of time, and sought what unified us instead. I wanted to speak with him. I wanted to sit down with him and his truckload of familial beings and discuss what happened and the implications of it all, but instead I smiled, filled my tank, and wished them a good night hoping he continues to second guess his nature.

Humorous

by jenkapotente

I ❤ wordpress’ blog stats.

I was particularly amused by the search engine terms used to find one of my blog entries: “rubbing crotch video”.  So, someone out there is searching for ‘rubbing crotch videos’ and I find this very amusing. 

Let’s take a moment and visualize what sort of person would run a search for ‘rubbing crotch video’, shall we?

…Think…

Seriously, imagine a figure and bring the figure to life with a cacophony of colorful adjectives, please. 

If so inclined, leave it as a comment. 
If you want me to like you leave it as a comment. 
If you’d like me to fantasize about having your babies leave it as a comment.
If you’d like me to manifest the proper member to impregnate you leave it as a comment.
If you’d like to see me disintegrate in a vat of acid leave it as a comment.

In other words, I’d like to see some participation.  Also, I’d like you to do it before reading mine so I don’t contaminate your thoughts with my own!

 Okay, here’s mine:

 It’s male, because I consider males to be far more depraved and corrupt and more likely to type something like ‘rubbing crotch video’ in a search engine (as opposed to the wholesome and virtuous female :P)

I would imagine him in his 30’s and definitely single.  He’s got what I kindly call ‘cul-de-sac’ head, which refers to the receding hairline of men (Think Hunter S. Thompson).  He also sweats profusely, is unkempt, and lives in his mother’s basement in a small town somewhere in the bible belt of the US. 

This man is a machinist with a severed thumb and last copulated with a female in his late 20’s (when the receding hairline was only minor and the thumb was more than a knub) after deciding to go to a bar with some work buddies.  They were both fairly drunk and she was rebounding from a 4 year relationship.  She was homely, which was par, but of course appeared more comely with each imbibed drink.  She asked if she could go back to his place, but he said his roommate had guests over, being too ashamed to admit he still lived with his mother.  So they walked to her apartment and fumbled inside, sloppily kissing and groping one another.  He flipped the light switch and she immediately flipped it off.  Casanova tripped, knocked her down and they decided the hallway would be the best place to commence this act of drunken fornication.  Neither of them had condoms and in their drunken and excited stupor, decided it best to fuck without protection.  The coitus lasted all of 2 minutes and Casanova passed out without even pulling out, not noticing she’d already been asleep for at least one-third of the act.   She awoke 4 hours later and pushed him off her with pure repugnance.  He eventually awoke, zipped his pants, realized she’d already gone, and he left for home. 

The following week he discovered something quite disturbing and to this day still resents her for never warning him of her unsightly case of herpes.  He regularly reenacts the moment they entered her apartment in his head and demands the lights stay on.  He’s a hermit and spends most of his time in the basement playing video games and perusing porn sites when not running searches on ‘crotch rubbing videos’. 

This man will commit suicide before reaching 40 by way of hanging.  Song most likely to be randomly playing on the radio during his suicide? Ironically, (I’ve Had) The Time of My Life by Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes from the soundtrack to his favorite film: Dirty Dancing.

I’ve been thoroughly entertained.

What stereotype can YOU come up with and how detailed can you get?

Thank you and good day.